During my wait to get pregnant again and to have another precious baby, my faith in God has gotten stronger with each day, with each failed test, and with each month that starts over. I know that God has a plan for me. I know that my wait is teaching me something. I’m doing my best to take this time to get closer to him. To learn as much as possible about the Bible. To read my Bible and my devotional every single day. When we begin to walk with purpose, we inevitably get the attention of the enemy because we are a threat to his plan to keep the world in darkness. He’s like a thief in the night trying to steal my joy, to upset me, to make me angry at the fact that I’m getting older by the second. It is so important to discern that voice or thought in your head and to know that it’s not from God. It was put there by the ruler of this world, the devil.
“He who is in us is greater than he who is in the World.” 1 John 4:4
A couple Fridays ago, after I put N down to sleep I went in my bedroom to clean my face and get ready for bed. My husband is in school during the day and works at a restaurant at night so he doesn’t get home until 11:00 or 12 depending on how busy they were. As I was laying there, all of a sudden a thought came into my head that I have NEVER thought before. “If it takes you another year or two to get pregnant you’ll be 50 with a 10-12 year old. You won’t be able to retire for YEARS. And you’ll probably be too old to enjoy or even see any grandchildren.” Whoa. It stopped me dead in my tracks. The thought consumed me as I began crying uncontrollably and questioning God. I was unable to sleep that night. I was up when my husband came home, which is a rarity, but was too upset and tired to even talk about it. The next morning as soon as I woke up, there they were, creeping around in my head like a roaring lion. I informed my husband of these negative thoughts and then griped AT HIM that we weren’t trying hard enough, we should be trying every single day no matter how tired we are or how late you get home from work! Maybe I should go ahead and call the doctor to start running more test and see if I’m even ovulating because it’s just not working! He was like a deer in headlights wondering what happened to his strong, trusting in God, wife.
“Case, where is all this coming from?”, he asked. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. The devil. The devil is seeing how close I’m getting with God and he is trying to pull me away. He is trying to make me doubt my faith!! A thought I had never had before was put in my mind by the evil one. If we want to have victory over the enemy’s attacks, it’s important to get equipped for battle, because the devil is scheming to destroy us.
“Stay Alert! Watch out for your great enemy the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8
Once I realized WHO had planted this thought in my head, I rebuked the devil in the name of Jesus Christ, my savior! And since then, those thoughts have been like a speck of dust in the wind. That fear and sadness that came over me that night, was gone. For the Lord our God, had given me peace. Don’t listen to the voice of the enemy; listen to the Word of God. For he will never lead you astray, he will never forsake you. He is the all mighty God who gave up his own son for YOU.