Patience is a virtue…one I seem to lack

 

Every time I read it, the voice behind it is the lady from Steel Magnolias wearing the tight girdle that harps at Dolly Parton for eating cake. “Calories, Calories!“Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue.”  CRINGE!!   I have always been fast-paced.  I’m constantly going, going, going and never stopping.  I’m not a fan of theme parks because I can’t stand W-A-I-T-I-N-G in line.  It literally makes my skin crawl and I feel like I’m wasting so much time just standing around.  If we go to a restaurant and there’s a thirty minute wait, we’ll leave.  Just to drive 20 minutes to another restaurant.  Yes, I know by the time it took me drive somewhere else and wait there, we would have been seated at the original restaurant.  But still!  It’s the waiting that drives me absolutely crazy.

Becoming a mother has taught me A LOT about patience.  My daughter is three and in the “I do it myself” stage.  Getting her in the car seat, “Mommy, I do it myself.”  Getting her shoes on, “Mommy, I do it myself.”  Brushing her teeth, “Mommy, I do it myself.”  It takes forever which gives me such anxiety especially when we are in a rush to get somewhere.  But, she is becoming an independent little girl and because I want that for her I am learning to be more patient and let her do it herself even if it causes us to be late.  However, what has taught me patience the most is my wait to get pregnant again.  I have one beautiful daughter and have had three miscarriages since she was born.  With each pregnancy we never tried longer than two months.  But now, as you know if you’ve read some of my other blogs, is that our struggle to stay pregnant has turned into a struggle to get pregnant.

A week ago, our month started over.  I cried and cried.  Praying and asking why this is img_6183taking so long and what am I suppose to learn from this that I haven’t already learned?  I began reading my Bible and went through some of my past Bible Journaling entries.  I was looking through Romans and a verse stood out to me that wasn’t even the verse I journaled.   My entry was on Romans 12:2.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

It really resonated with me that I needed to trust in God’s will and let him transform me during this time.  I continued reading the rest of the chapter and then came upon this verse.

“Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble and keep praying.” Romans 12:12 NLT

Tears began to flow down my face as I felt his presence.   He gives me hope.  Confident hope that my time is coming.  Whether it’s through carrying another child of my own, adopting, or fostering to adopt.  I know I am meant to have more children.  I am so thankful for a God that never lets me wallow alone.  How he lifts me up when I’m down.  How he strengthens me when I’m feeling weak.   Since then, I have seen and heard the word patience more than I have in my entire life.   Every time I get on Instagram I see at least one verse, saying, or quote about being patient.  So I will take this time, to continue to grow in my relationship with the Lord, as he teaches me patience.

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