I’ve been seeing a lot of people on my Instagram (@iamlivinginfreedom) talk about their “word” for 2019. I had never done this before so I thought I’d give it a go. But, what word would I choose? And how do I go about choosing it? Is everyone choosing their word as something they want to work on or something that just popped in their head? I had no idea what it would be. So, I prayed about it. I asked God to pick my word for me. A word that I should focus on. A word that I can hold true. A word that whenever I’m struggling, doubting, I can think of. And just as our great and caring Father does, he gave it me. Trust. As soon as I realized what word he chose, it made complete sense. One of my favorite bible verses is Proverbs 3:5-6.
I trust that the Lord is with me every single day. I trust in him and know he has plans for me. A purpose. An outcome greater than I can imagine. I have been through a lot the past two years. A year of 3 miscarriages and a year of fertility issues. In November, I finally scheduled my first Fertility appt for January 17th. On December 31st, I had a positive pregnancy test. I can’t explain to you the joy and excitement and honestly complete shock I felt when I took that test. Especially considering I took it, so I would see that it was negative and wouldn’t be hopeful over the next few days waiting for a period that sometimes never came because I don’t ovulate every month. Ever since then, every weird twing I’ve felt, or slight cramp that starts to worry me, guess what pops into my head. TRUST. Trust in me is what he is telling me. Due to my history, my doctors immediately wanted to do blood work. In a normal pregnancy HCG levels should double preferably every 48 hours, sometimes it’s closer to 72. The last couple pregnancies my numbers were not doubling which was how we knew something was wrong. My hcg level on Wednesday of last week was 252. Friday morning, I headed to the hospital for my 48 hour blood work and was nervous, scared, anxious, wondering if they would double. I was hoping, praying for at least 480. I prayed and prayed and again, the word TRUST kept popping into my mind.
My levels that day were 791. They had not only doubled but more than tripled. God has a purpose for our difficult seasons. He has a reason for our valleys that we can’t comprehend at times. But, we have to TRUST in him and his will for us. I have grown so much over these last two years. I have joined a church. Not only joined but have become very involved in. My husband and I serve every other Sunday, he and I both joined Life groups that meet once a week. I began Bible journaling which led me to start reading the Bible the entire way through, which I had never done before. I’ve changed. I’ve grown as a person, a wife, a mother, and most importantly in my relationship with the Lord. I honestly feel like this is my year. That I will be able to carry this baby to term. That my precious daughter will finally have the sibling she’s been asking for.
This is not something we have shared with many people so if you know me personally please keep us in your prayers and this precious little secret to yourself. Thank you all for supporting my blog, for being a safe place for me to share my difficult road, and for keeping me in your prayers. I hope that my journey gives hope and helps others just as a lot of yours has helped mine.