Week 10. Test week. Since in the “baby making world” I’m considered old (cringe) for having a baby, there are a multitude of test and procedures that have to be done that didn’t when I had N almost four years ago. I’m only 36. But, having a baby after 35 is considered high risk. And with my history of miscarriages, I’m at the top of the high risk category. But, I will say that one good thing is that it’s all considered “medically necessary” so it’s not an extra expense I’m having to worry about. My $290 monthly OB bill is enough to stress about without having to add on more money from extensive test and visits to a specialist hospital. This week I have to have the genetic and chromosomal screening test done. It’ll be looking for signs of down syndrome, spina bifida, and a multitude of chromosomal abnormalities. When I was pregnant with N, we opted out of all these test. One it didn’t matter to us what the outcome was. We were having this baby no matter what. And two it was VERY expensive. I’m talking $4000 expensive! I wasn’t scared, worried or even considered the fact that something might be wrong with her. It wasn’t something I feared or stressed about at all. But now, I’m a high risk patient. I’m older. I HAVE to have the test done and the results have plagued me and have had my anxieties levels rising by the day. What if my baby has down syndrome? What if my baby has a mental disability? What if? Would it change my mind to have this child? Would I wish we hadn’t gotten pregnant?? Absolutely not, not in a million years. I will be thankful and praise Jesus for whatever he BLESSES me with. Boy, girl. Healthy, unhealthy. One arm, three feet! I don’t care. How anyone could not love their own child, or choose to end a precious life in or outside of the womb is beyond my comprehension. Every single embryo, fetus, baby, infant, and child is fearfully and wonderfully made in the eyes of the Lord.
So, why am I so plagued by the results? Why is this a fear that keeps popping into my head?? And then it hits me. The evil one. The devil is trying to steal my joy! He’s trying to put fear into my mind because I have given God this pregnancy and trusted in him to take care of me and this child. I have released my fear of another miscarriage to him and I have been happy. Trusting. And he has been faithful. When we are strong in our faith, and laying our fears and worries at his feet, the devil tries even harder to pull us away. If we want to have victory over the enemy’s attacks, it’s important to get equipped for battle, because the devil is scheming to destroy us with every chance he gets. We have to put on the armor of God on a daily basis.
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:10-18
I am a warrior of God! I will stand firm, with my head held high! I am strong and courageous and will NOT let those fears bring me down! I will NOT let him taint this blessing from my creator! I will NOT let him put fears and doubts into my mind! So bring it on evil one. This pregnant Momma is ready for battle.