My precious daughter.  She is about to turn four in a couple of months and I can’t believe how much she’s grown.  How much she’s learned.  How different our lives are because of this amazing little creature God blessed me with.  She has a kind and caring heart.  She’s a much better child than I ever was haha.  I look at her and think, this is what life is about.  This is pure joy.  Growing up I wasn’t sure I wanted to have kids.  I was told that kids ruin your life and to never have them. Who was this joyful person?  One of my parents.  Geez, no wonder I was so screwed up as a child.  But, I look at her and think, how could anyone think like that?  How could this sweet, innocent being ruin my life?   She has made it worth living! She makes me whole.  She makes me smile and a laugh harder than I ever had!  Listening to her say her prayers at night, hearing her say that Jesus lives in her heart, makes me the happiest, most proud parent in the world. Lately she’s been kissing my belly and asking to lay on “her” baby.  She told me last night that it’s a girl and she named her Allie.  We are still unsure of the sex but hopefully will find out in the next week or two. N will be the best big sister I could ever imagine.  The best little helper.  There will always be a special bond that N and I share.  Looking at her kept me sane during my miscarriages.  Seeing her smiling face kept me from crying all day long.  I know that my miscarriages came after her because God knew I needed her.  He gave her to me to keep me going.  To keep me strong.  To keep my head in the game. These past 2 years with my 3 miscarriages were some of the hardest days of my life.  I didn’t understand why things were happening like this and what I did to deserve it.  I hated life for a while. Hated getting up in the mornings and facing people.  But today, I look back and see everything so clearly.  So understanding of what I went through and why.  I can smile looking back instead of cry.  I felt like I was blind, but now I see.  I know now, that I had to go through that to get to where I am today.  I submitted my life to God and his perfect will for me.  I finally relinquished control to him and my life will never be the same.  I am closer to him than I ever have been.  I’m an active member in my church, serving every other Sunday and am part of a women’s bible study on Tuesday nights.  I’ve also been asked to step up next semester and be a leader for a small group.  Me!  The girl who use to cuss with every other word.  The girl who would go out and drink and party til wee hours of the morning.  The girl who was lost, and broken.  But luckily,  he left the 99 and came after me.  His perfect will and perfect timing is just that.  Perfect.