The Road Isn’t Easy, But It’s Worth It.

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I’ve been having a difficult time writing lately.  I began this blog to share my struggles with infertility and repeated miscarriages in hopes of helping others and letting other women know they aren’t alone.  It was so therapeutic for me and I really felt like God led every post I shared with you all.  New Years Eve I found out I was pregnant again.  Today I’m 27 weeks along with a healthy baby girl.  I am so thankful that God has taken care of this sweet girl and given me another chance to be a mother.  But, I am struggling now with what to write about.  I could write about how difficult this pregnancy has been especially compared to my first full term pregnancy.  I could talk about how this time, I hate being pregnant.  How the heartburn makes me feel like one of the dragons on Game of Thrones.  How the hemorrhoids have been so unbearable I need one of those old lady donuts to sit on.  How the leg cramps and restless leg causes me to wake up 6-7 times a night having to walk around my house to get them to stop.  I could write about these things.  I could write page after page after page.  But every time I so much as think about them, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt.  For two years I suffered multiple miscarriages and then struggled with infertility.  Night after night I cried and begged God for a chance to give my daughter a sibling.  And he did.  Only to have me complain and whine about how awful this experience has been to people who would kill for the chance to be in my shoes??  How do I write about that?  How do I write about anything? Please don’t get me wrong, I could not be more thankful for this baby.  That every appt we’ve had, I have received wonderful news.  I KNOW it’ll be worth it in the end even if I’m completely miserable right now. If I would have known that this pregnancy would be like this, I would 100% still go through with it in a heartbeat.  If it were worse than what I’m dealing with right now, I would STILL go through with it because God is giving me a blessing.  Another sweet precious little girl to hold, rock, feed, and join her very excited big sister.  But that is why I haven’t written lately.  Guilt.  img_7718I don’t want to complain about this opportunity.  I don’t want to sound unappreciative.  I don’t want to upset any of my followers who are still trying just to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I want to be a light.  A light of hope.  That no matter what circumstance you’re facing in your struggle to start a family, that it CAN happen.  All in God’s perfect timing.  I want you to know that without the struggle I wouldn’t be where I am today in my walk with God.  That no walk of life is easy.  But, it’s easier when God is on your side.   So despite all the negative things I’m feeling, I know they are only temporary.  And that my little blessing will be long lasting and my walk with God is everlasting.

 

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Casey,

    You’re not whining and I guarantee God understands the not so pleasant issues regarding pregnancy.

    Share your stories for those women who are wondering if their the only one going through the hemorrhoids from hell or the awful acid reflux.

    God wouldn’t be putting these stories in your head for nothing.

    So write girl!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks sister!!! Love you!

      Like

  2. Carolyn Hokkanen-Hawkins says:

    I so enjoy what you write, I can smile, feel empathy, feel joy, laugh out loud, and feel your pain, when I read your wonderful stories. Your writings have a wonderful way of touching my heart where only a few can do. You only have three months to go, and she will be in your lovely arms with Norah and Daddy by your side. I can’t wait…my second Great-granddaughter…..
    I am so proud of you and love you so much!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tina says:

    Amen! And you are an inspiration Casey. Keep giving us all a kick in the pants. This reminds me of a poem by Red Foley called “God Forgive Me When I Whine” My grandpa used to share it with his CB’r friends. He also made tapes and encouraging newsletters for people with handicaps.

    GOD FORGIVE ME WHEN I WHINE
    Red Foley

    Today, upon a bus, I saw
    A pretty girl with golden hair.
    I envied her, she seemed so gay.
    I wished that I could be so fair
    But then, when she arose to leave,
    I saw her hobble down the aisle.
    She had one leg and used a crutch
    And yet, she passed me with a smile.
    Oh, God forgive me when I whine
    I have two legs, the world is mine.

    And then I stopped to buy some sweets,
    The lad who sold them had such charm.
    I talked with him ~ He seemed so glad.
    If I were late, it would do no harm.
    And as I left he said to me,
    “Please come again, you’ve been so kind.
    It’s nice to talk to folks like you,
    Because, you see,” he smiled, “I’m blind.”
    Oh, God forgive me when I whine,
    I have two eyes, the world is mine.

    Then, walking down the street I saw
    A pretty child with eyes of blue.
    He stood and watched the others play,
    It seemed he knew not what to do.
    I stopped a moment, then I asked
    “Why don’t you join the others, dear?”
    He looked ahead without a word,
    And then I knew he could not hear,
    Oh, God forgive me when I whine,
    I have two ears, the world is mine.

    With legs to take me where I’d go,
    With eyes to see the sunset glow,
    With ears to hear what I would know ~
    Oh, God forgive me when I whine,
    I’m blessed indeed, the world is mine.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tina this is beautiful! Thank you!!

      Liked by 1 person

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