On my last blog, I shared the fact that I haven’t been writing much about this pregnancy because, well, it basically sucks. But, many of you reached out to me and told me to share away and not feel the guilt I was feeling for complaining about something I am eternally grateful for. So here it is. The ugly truth. Today I am officially in my third trimester. The home stretch. The final countdown. The last of the Mohicans. Haha sorry, I loved that movie when I was little. Everyone says the second trimester is the best. You have more energy, you’re feeling good, not too many pregnancy related issues. Just enjoy it while you can! Well, they’re all liars. Big. Fat. Liars. Mine was miserable. All the horrible pregnancy symptoms that most people don’t start to get until their third trimester, I’ve had since the beginning of my second. So needless to say, I’m a bit terrified of what these next 12 weeks will be like. For starters, I have had heartburn since my FIRST trimester. If you are one of those lucky people who have never had heartburn, please don’t talk to me. Just kidding, but seriously when you feel like you could torch an entire city with one breath like an angry dragon on Game of Thrones, then you’d understand that miserable feeling in your throat. Not only does it burn like someone pouring acid straight down your esophagus, but you can’t keep food down either! I can not eat anything past six pm at night. And for a pregnant woman who is ALWAYS hungry, that’s not an easy task. But if I do, I will be laying in bed, when all of a sudden, food, acid whatever the heck it is, comes right back up into my throat and I almost choke. Yes, choke. As I immediately sit up, at two in the morning, and run to the toilet to vomit, it every so slowly trickles back down my throat burning like a California wildfire the entire way down. No amount of medicine, ice, ice cream, or milk can subdue this vicious cycle. I just prop my pillows up so that I’m not laying flat, and try to go back to sleep.
As I lay there, slowly starting to drift back off, my left leg decides to have, what seems like, it’s very own panic attack. It shakes and jerks like a toddler that refuses to get into a car seat. Thankfully the car seat has straps so once they’re in, THEY’RE IN. If only I could construct some magical contraption to strap that leg into place on my mattress! I might have to look into this one day when I actually have time and have had enough sleep to develop some sort of cognitive thinking. But, then again, if I’m strapped in, how would I be able to jump out out of bed when the leg cramps and charlie horses start??? And when I say jump, I mean JUMP. Standing and stomping on my feet is the only thing to get it to stop. Then I have to make a few laps around my house to literally walk it off. At least it’s a quiet walk considering now it’s four in the morning and I’m the only one awake. After a few laps, I make a trip to the bathroom to pee, because let’s face it, if I don’t I will be up again within the next hour. At this point, I can finally lay down and try to get a couple hours of sleep before my alarm goes off at six thirty. I honestly think I’ll get more sleep when the baby gets here! At least I did with my first child.
I will kindly spare you all the gruesomeness of the hemorrhoids, suppositories, and old lady donut I have to sit on every day. But, what I will say, is during these hours I’m awake at night, can’t sleep, almost in tears because I’m tired and hurting, I take that time to pray and thank God. Yes, THANK HIM. I may be hurting. I may feel miserable and like I can’t take anymore. But, I am STILL thankful for this pregnancy. For the opportunity to carry a child to term after three miscarriages. I am thankful for the journey he has taken me down and the struggles that came along with it. It’s in our weakness that God makes us strong. When I feel like I’m drowning, he grabs my hand, and pulls me out of the water, so I can take that breath of life. If you are in the same boat, drowning in what seems like a complete oblivion, close your eyes, reach out your hand, and pray. Trust me when I say, he will grab it.